Thursday, June 07, 2007

The Elita Loresca Quest Part 4

"Oh, my God."

Verticvs knew this wasn't a good sign. King Manny Mojito and the Knights of the Mesa Redonda were on TV. WSVN-Channel 7, the local Miami Fox affiliate, was airing something about them on the six o'clock news. King Manny was holding up the Swarovski crystal bra. Verticvs turned up the sound.

"We demand entry to present Elita Loresca this bra," King Manny said in his unique British/Cuban accent, "so that we may rescue her, save Miami from hurricanes, and fulfill our quest."

"The group of men, all dressed like medieval knights," Craig Stevens' voice over explained, "is led by someone who calls himself, Sir Manny Mojito, the King of Little H. At first our front gate security guard thought it was some sort of stunt until the men drew their swords and threatened him."

The station cut to the security guard Manuel Molina.

"That's when I pulled out my Thunder Five and asked them if they would like to reconsider. Which they did with the king guy yelling at everyone to 'Run away! Run away!' and complaining about it not being fair. What a bunch of losers."

The station cut back to Craig Stevens and Lynn Martinez in the studio. Martinez cheered him on. "Way to go, Manuel!"

"We tried to get a statement from Elita," Stevens said, "but she was unavailable. Knowing Elita, she's probably already in bed. That 5am call time for our morning news program is a killer."

"Trust me, Craig," Martinez said, "I think I can speak for Elita when I tell you she wouldn't wear anything that tacky. In fact, the last thing we need is our weather girl running around town in a rhinestone bra. I mean, we already have enough larger than life distractions what with Shaq and Hulk Hogan living here."

"Yeah, you're right, Lynn. And it could be dangerous. Can you imagine Elita wearing that bra outside on a sunny day when she's tooling about town with the top down?"

"Holy traffic accident, Craig!"

"Actually, Elita probably shouldn't drive anywhere with the top down. Know what I mean?"

"That's for sure. Anyway, police have asked that if you see these men to give them a call. Seems that tacky bra was stolen from a downtown jewelry store and might actually be worth something."

The station cut to very bad video footage from the jewelry store surveillance camera. It showed King Manny and the Knights of the Mesa Redonda breaking the glass display case with their broadswords and running away with the Swarovski bra as Martinez continued to speak over the grainy black and white image. "Judging by the way they're dressed, it shouldn't be too difficult."

"Oy vey," Verticvs added before turning off the TV.


Dayngr said...

I'm sooooooooooo confused.

Verticus S. Erectus said...

Perhaps, Ms. Dayngr, our favorite blonde with a brain, if you focused more on the message instead of the cleavage, it might be clearer. And then maybe not. It's hard for us to focus too, but we're men drinking mojitos so that may have something to do with it. Please bear with us. We have seen the end of this tale and it isn't pretty.