Science (S): Professor Erectvs--
Vert (V): Call me "Vert."
S: Okay, Vert, many consider you a renegade astrophysicist. Your theory that dark energy is actually irony is causing quite a stir among scientist all over the world, living and dead.
V: Living and dead?
S: Yes. There have been reports that Einstein is spinning in his grave.
V: Really? Of all people? I would have thought he would have "gotten it" before anyone. After all, isn't he the one who said, "If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts"?
S: Yes, but he was drinking at the time.
V: Hey, that's where some of our best ideas come from. Mine come from mojitos.
S: I'm sure. Anyway, its been over ten years since scientists discovered "dark energy," the invisible substance that has shaken the fields of physics and astronomy. As we all know, that discovery confirmed that nearly 75 percent of the universe is made up of an invisible substance called "dark energy." Only a tiny tiny fraction of the universe is made up of atoms because the last 25-or-so percent seem to be made up of "dark matter"-- enormous amounts of even tinier particles that still haven't been identified.
V: Tell me something I don't know.
S: In fact, "dark energy" seems to be winning a "tug of war" with gravity. In the last five billion years, "dark energy"-- a sort of "negative gravity" or "repulsive force"-- has overcome gravity and is driving galaxies apart at an ever-increasing rate.
V: It's not a pretty picture. It could drive lesser men to drink.
S: And now you come along with what your detractors call the "cockamamied calculation":