Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Monocle Man Make a Confession

WARNING: First off, anyone wearing a monocle today should be viewed with suspicion. This gentleman, who wishes to remain anonymous as is a blogger's wont, is not the kind of guy you'd invite to a party. If his 1,000 yard stare doesn't quickly put your shindig into an irreversible slide toward downersville, his jaded, dyspeptic personality soon will. So, dear reader, read his words with caution and a mojito, MVB's drink of choice, in hand.

I have a confession to make. There are two fire extinguisher cases inside my home next to the front door. The fire extinguishers have been removed. One case has a mannequin head wearing a cheap wig. I call him "Wayne the Wig Wearer." The other case holds a brand new box of Camel cigarettes. Both are lit from above.

Wayne the Wig Wearer is there for a first date when I really want to make an impression. I figure if I wear his hair, it'll make me look younger. Somehow, it hasn't been working. I'm not a smoker but the box of Camels are there when I finally want to end it all. If I decide the cigarettes aren't working fast enough, I might install a third cabinet for just such an emergency. It will hold my loaded .38 Smith & Wesson.

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