Thursday, January 11, 2007
Who's Behind Barreiro's Door?
Watergate began with a knock on the door to make sure no one was inside the Democratic Party's office. This story begins when the cleaning lady can't open county commission chairman Bruno Barreiro's door.
Cleaning Lady (CL): Is anybody there?
(The door shakes)
CL: Now I know someone's there. Open the door.
(She tries to open the door again but it won't budge. She covers her eyes and peers through the frosted glass)
CL: Is that you commissioner Barreiro?
Voice Behind The Door (VBD): No.
CL: For crying out loud, commissioner, I can see your shadow.
(A moment passes)
VBD: Who's there?
CL: The Cleaning lady.
VBD: The cleaning lady who?
CL: Don't fvck with me, commissioner Barreiro. You know perfectly well who this is?
CL: That's right, now open the door. I've got work to do.
(Muffled voices behind door)
CL: Do you have somebody else in there with you?
CL: It sounds like you have somebody else in there? My God, it sounds like you got that bitch commissioner Seijas in there with you! And you're a married man! You should be ashamed!
VBD: It's not what you think! We're having a meeting.
CL: Oh, my God! You got sistas Jordan and Edmonson in there too! I can hear 'em! It sounds more like an orgy to me. And Dorrin Rolle and Martinez, too? Who-wee! I've seen a lot cleaning up city hall all these years, but I ain't never seen anything like this. You are one kinky bunch of fruit cakes.
VBD: I tell you it's not what you think!
CL: If you say so. Now are you going to open the door so I can clean up or not?
CL: Why not?
VBD: We're having a meeting.
CL: So you said but I got a job to do--. Wait a minute. We got laws against this kinda thing. You can't conduct business behind closed doors.
(A moment passes before someone sounding like Seijas begins to moan and groan as if she were making love)
CL: Aha! Just as I thought. You all havin' group sex in city hall!
VBD: There's no law against that!
(Suddenly the door starts to shake and everyone behind Barreiro's door starts to moaning and groaning)
CL: Well, I guess that's okay as long as you don't start discussin' business. Try not to soil the carpet. It's my ass if I can't get the stains out.
As it turned out, they were discussing how to defeat Mayor Carlos Alverez' strong mayor initiative at the polls. Now although this was okayed by County Attorney Murray Greenberg, it still reeks with the appearance of behind closed doors impropriety because, afterall, isn't the referendum the business of government? We suppose a good lawyer could argue otherwise, but for the man in the street, the meeting behind Barreiro's door looks suspect.
UpDate (3/14): Barreiro's at it again.