Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Prayer for Kevin



Verticus (V): Dear Lord, Strong Mayor of the Universe, we ask you to enlighten Kevin and all the other Kevins by coming into their hidden hearts in their hidden cities in this great county to vote for a strong mayor on Tuesday, January 23rd. Say "Amen."

Harem Girls (HG): Say amen!

V: No, just amen.

HG: No, just amen.

V: Oy vey.

HG: Oy vey.

V: Stop! Don't say a thing or you're out of the harem-- and no volunteering.

(The girls look at each other but remain silent. Verticus begins praying again)

V: So, as I was saying dear Lord, make them come around-- especially that guy Kevin who is threatening to negate my vote-- to the thinking of the general public who are basically fed up to here with all the bullshit-- (pauses, crosses self) I'm sorry, dear Lord, please forgive me. All the scheming, stealing, lying, and waste down at city hall. Remind him that, besides my humble blog-- which was first and continued to press the issue here, here, here, here, and here in advocating voting yes for the proposal-- that the strong mayor referendum is also endorsed by the likes of the Miami Herald, the Sun Post, Senator Alex Villalobos, Michael Putney, and Jim Defede who presents a convincing reason why Kevin and all the other Kevins should vote yes on his weekly report on WCBS-4. Finally, Lord, I beseech thee to make Tuesday night a night of celebration so that all of us can throw open wide our doors and dance in the streets with our harem girls knowing that things are going to be better down at city hall. Now you can say "Amen."

HG: Now you can say amen.

V: No, just "Amen."

HG: No, just amen.

V: Oy vey.

HG: Oy vey.

(15-minutes later)

V: Oh, Lord, please forgive me for my slothfulness, but that evil Kevin has already voted! (see comments) Pre-negating me in the process! Oh, dear Lord, please have mercy on his soul and lift him from his jaded, dyspeptic, negative outlook on life by the back of his collar until his eyes bulge out and his tongue sticks out and he turns red in the face!

(V starts hyperventilating and perspiring profusely)

HG: Mr. Erectus, are you okay?

V: I'm fine. Don't interrupt me while I'm praying. As I was saying, dear Lord, for this grievance to me and the wonderful people of Dade County, please, I implore You to muster up four score and ten fold of "Yes!" voters to join me at the polls January 23rd to serve as a sort of cosmic bitch slap across all the Kevins' faces who are happy with the status quo, i.e., living with corruption and waste of public resources-- to name just a few. Let it be a clarion call from the righteous, the worthy, the smart, and the truly cool who are mad as hell-- forgive me, oh Lord, for bringing up where the evil Kevin dwells-- and aren't going to take it anymore! Amen.

HG: Amen.

V: Now you got it.

1 comment:

mkh said...

I don't want to make you lose your religion, V, but I took advantage of early voting yesterday. I do appreciate your prayers, though.

Oh, and Putney back-pedaled a bit, too.