Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Verticvs "Stiletto" Erectvs Confessicvs

I would have made a great woman.

Perhaps I was one in another life. Who knows? In any event, I can't get enough of stilettos. In fact, I love them so much, I built a custom trike around one. Talk about a babe magnet, hoo-wee, the stories I could tell trolling Ocean Drive. Although I've never put them on and tried walking around in them (it's purely aesthetics for me, just like my affectation for everything in leopard prints, old school flames-- retro rods, not retro babes-- and a backward turned Kangol), I know they're not easy to walk in. So it was of great interest to me when I stumbled upon an article in today's Miami Herald about how to do just that. Kathryn Wexler, the fashion diva at the paper, revealed the secret-- and, as a public service to women everywhere (including my daughter who didn't think it was so funny soliciting a boyfriend for her on this blog), trannies, and closet cross dressers, here's the low down on a quick fix for walking gracefully and painlessly on the highest of heels:
  1. Find a cobbler.
  2. Have the cobbler remove the lift, the tiny platform on the bottom of the heel.
  3. Saw off the same amount from the heel.
  4. Reapply the lift.
  5. Add a thin rubber platform beneath the ball of the foot. In "cobbler-speak," this is called "rubberizing the sole."
  6. Apply shoes to feet. Walk with your head held high while singing this song:


latinbombshell said...

Yes, basically creating a mini-platform. You can also buy implants that you tuck into the sole.

Verticus S. Erectus said...

"Implants" in the sole? That's sick. What is this world coming too?

latinbombshell said...

Sole of the shoe, silly! :-) They sell them at CVS. There made from gel or soft cushiony material. Quite comfy!