Thursday, February 22, 2007

Heil Hernandez! Keeping America Safe One Book At A Time

It began as a grass roots effort on the part of a few concerned Cuban-American* parents living in Miami-Dade County Florida. To keep their children safe from lies about Cuba, the parents either got their kids to check out what they perceived as offending books, or they checked them out themselves from school libraries and...refused to return them.

As reported in The Miami Herald, Dalila Rodriguez, who is a member of the Concerned Cuban Parents Committee (CCPC), said, "If you take it out and don't return it, no kid can read it. It's not censoring; it's protecting our children from lies."

The book that made her hit list: Discovering Cultures, Cuba. It joins Vamos a Cuba, the elementary school book that started it all way back in August of 2006, the same book that got our MVB Stand-up Comic beat-up and hospitalized by an enraged, torch-bearing mob. As reported in the Miami Herald, "Of the 48 copies of Vamos a Cuba in Miami-Dade school libraries, 17 are reportedly overdue or lost."

Rodriguez added (MVB is not making this up), "We're going to take the books and lock them in a box."

"At least that's an improvement over book burning," Alfredo Hernandez sniffed during a huge rally outside a library. He's the self-elected hard-ass-hard-liner librarian inspired by CCPC to run a campaign on Cuban radio to ban all books-- just in case any of them says Cuba is anything but a hell hole run by Godless communists. He began his crusade in Hialeah, a sprawling working class city in northwestern Dade County hi-jacked by Cubans ready to fight-- short of a bad bruising-- for their right to conduct government business in Spanish.

"We've come a long way since World War II," he said. "In fact, we rule!"

"You know," someone said, "despite the panama hat and the Wayfarers and the accent, you look vaguely familiar. Are you--"

"¡Heil Hernandez!" rose from the crowd with hundreds of stiff arms jabbing the air adding counterpoint to the equally loud sound of Cuban heels clicking together in unison echoing across the land.

*Disclaimer: We realize all Cuban-Americans don't behave like this just like all Muslims don't want to blow themselves up and take you with them on a fast-track to heaven to get at those seventy virgins. At least that's what we keep telling ourselves every night before we go to sleep. Sounding a little like the Cowardly Lion's mantra from the Wizard of Oz, it goes like this: "We do wanna believe they're not like that. We do wanna believe they're not like that. We do wanna believe they're not like that." Maybe if one of them spoke up against the crazies in their bunch it would be easier to believe.

1 comment:

Steve ("Klotz" As In "Blood") said...

Good post.

Not certain if I agree with everything Heil Hernandez says here, but he certainly is articulate. And clean.