- The MVB staff should keep praying to the Elita Loresca shrine. When asked what he meant, he replied in a teasing voice that sounded like the "Storm Goddess" on steroids: "I demands your full attention and devotion if you vant to leev. And next time, please leave more of dat Dunkin' Donut summertime treat, da key lime dream donut, on da altar."
- He then began to sing, "I see bones, I see gizzards and bones, I see 14-paper clips, I see bones" for no apparent reason. Verticvs, being the oldest of the MVB staff explained that the Channel Master must have gotten his "channels crossed" because those were the lyrics to an old Alan Sherman song. "Alan Sherman?" we asked. "The guy had a hit in the early 60's called 'Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah'. 'I See Bones' was on the album, 'My Son The Nut'." That's when Eddiekacee started singing that song and Verticvs joined in. It was one of those moments and we'd be lying if we didn't tell you it creeped us out-- especially when we found ourselves joining in on the refrain.
- Following the musical interlude, Eddiekacee's second prediction of the night was this: Miami would have a downtown baseball stadium and it would be called the...Miami Megaplex. To say we weren't surprised would be an understatement. We turned to Verticvs. He offered a semetic shrug and said, "What can I tell ya? You don't have to be a fucking clarivoiant to see that one comin'."
- His final predictions came rushing out: a monorail would connect Miami to Miami Beach, a plague would wipe out all nimbys, politicians would "find God," and the lions at MetroZoo would lie down with the sheep. Father Al asked, " In the Biblical sense? You know, like in fornication?" "No, you sick puppy," Eddiekacee said in his trance. "Get your head out of the Old Testament, Father Al. I'm talkin' New Testament stuff here. Like lyin' down in peace." At that point Eddiekacee's eyes started to flicker. "Hold it, boys, I've got another one coming in." He paused long enough to swallow what was left of his mojito (which was pretty amazing considering he was in a trance). "Verticvs!" he snapped. Verticvs jumped. "Right here, Channel Master." "You will form a club for...True Believers." "True Believers?" "True Believers. It will be for all of those who have seen the light...that Miami (and sometimes the Beaches) is a city in and of the future. Its destiny shines bright despite its visionless leaders and inordinate amount of nimbys living in the community. But not to worry, the plague will take care of the nimbys and God will touch the souls of our elected officials-- especially the Cuban souls who are twice as likely to cross themselves and beg forgiveness and change their ways once they see the first plague." "First plague?" we asked.
Friday, July 20, 2007
MVB True Believers Club
Eduardo "Eddie" Kacee, aka "Eddiekacee," is MVB's resident psychic. Last night while staff was enjoying their mojitos, the "Channel Master," as he is affectionately called around the office, went into one of his trademark trances in mid-slurp. In a disembodied voice that wavered between macho baritone TV announcer Spanish and that of a "leetle girl" (his description in English), he revealed: