Monday, October 09, 2006

MVB "Africanized Bee" identifier

Recently there has been much discussion about an invasion of "killer bees" in South Florida. As a public service to our loyal readers, MiamiVisionBlogarama has created a "Killer Bee" identifier that you may save to your computer, print out and cut to fit into your wallet or purse. Referred to by apiologists as "Africanized bees", they can be traced to 26 Tanzanian queen bees accidentally let lose by Warwick E. Kerr in Brazil in 1957. Mr. Kerr, also known by his colleagues as "Mr. Klutz", had interbred European honeybees with bees from southern Africa when the legendary "Girl from Ipanema" walked by one day and he forgot to close the door to the beehive as he followed her to the beach. Feared for their aggressiveness when disturbed, the Africanized bees, like most living things found in nature, have worth and meaning and should be left alone to live out their Frankenstein existence. Although they are smaller than normal bees, they can be identified by
  1. Their gray "hoodies".
  2. Their bling "K" necklace (nectar deposits).
  3. Their "music", a sound "sampled" from regular bees that incorporates a distinct beat as compared to the more commonplace "drone".
  4. Their "dance" as they "hip hop" from flower to flower. Occasionally, when on too much nectar, they will spin on their backs in what scientists call "break dancing".
  5. Their tendency to drag their abdomens behind them when walking which
  6. Requires them to constantly "hitch up" their abdomen with their hind legs.
Still, if you should stumble upon a hive-- which are more often found in underground cavities-- please follow these rules of engagement:
  1. Don't "dis" them. Show them respect.
  2. Look them in their compound eyes otherwise they will know you fear them and show you no mercy.
  3. Slowly back away. (Some apiologists suggest that when all else fails one should consider mimicking their behavior by "flashing territorial signatures". This is done by facing the swarm and spreading the fingers in your hands and "bouncing bee-like" away as you retreat).
Please note that "Africanized bees" have multiplied over the last twenty years into pandemic proportions. Today, the Africanized bee can be found on every continent except Antarctica.

1 comment:

Steve ("Klotz" As In "Blood") said...

Clarification: I am not related to Warwick E. Kerr, known to his colleagues as "Mr. Klutz."