Monday, August 28, 2006

A Boner for the Weather


Well, it's already started. 24-hour hurricane coverage on local Miami TV. At this time, Ernesto is still a tropical storm somewhere over Cuba for crisesakes. They can't even wait until it turns into a full-fledged hurricane before they trot out their latest technological gizmos to show us how it looks in 3D. Television as we once knew it has been preempted for the latest news on some guy buying plywood in Home Depot. WPLG, the local ABC affiliate, cut Charlie Gibson off at the knees. We never got to see the national news because it was much more important to see how people were behaving in Key West (they were drinking). Some call this the "Mean Season." To MVB, it's the "Slice and Dicey Season." Why? When local TV starts covering hurricanes ad infinitum, after a while, you just want to walk into the kitchen, pull out a knife and end it all. Whether you do it or not is the "dicey" part: it depends if WSVN-Fox's Elita Loresca is giving the update. She's worth hanging around for.*

*Please note that MVB apologizes in advance if we offended any women or men who took offense at our "objectifying" women. If we did-- and we are not so sure we did-- this is the first time and we feel very ashamed but sometimes a stronger primeval urge still calls to us across the broad landscape of political correctness and, despite our best efforts, we just can't say "no" to a good, albeit shallow, joke. As a group of men, we need to be spanked. If there were any women working here, we would at least have offered up a worthy weatherman, but there aren't, so there. It is also with great regret that we ran the top photo of the weatherman with a boner for the weather. Please forgive us.

8 comments:

Dave8721 said...

Great pic. Perfectly sums up the attitute of the local weather guys to storm season...

Verticus S. Erectus said...

Dave8721, MVB just put this posting up! You have set some new kind of record here and, if we had a prize we would give it to you.

If you grew up here, you know we got by with World War II era radar and vintage aircraft flying into the eye of the storm when it was close enough to do so to let us know what was up. And we still weren't all that sure. But we got by without a lot of media coverage of the "crisis." I think this new kind of coverage ascerbates the situation by creating mass hysteria. By 6:30 PM, WPLG was broadcasting live from a gas station on Alton Road just in case a previous traffic jam from Wilma reappears with Ernesto. They showed traffic cops standing around the station to make sure you got your gas and kept moving. Wanna make a bet a traffic jam soon followed? Too much. Also, thanks for not scolding us for our insensitivity to political correctness. We appreciate it.

Manola Blablablanik said...

Hey, your Asian big boobed woman could never possibly trump Harry Connick Jr naked from the chest up in waders rescuing Katrina victims. Never. Never ever! :-)

Verticus S. Erectus said...

I don't know, Ms. Blablablanik, seeing Ms. Loresca "naked from the chest up in waders" might trump just about anything. And you know what? For us, she doesn't even need to rescue anybody.

Dave said...

Think you got problems now? Wait till they post a weather channel reporter in the Cape Verde Islands so they can torture us from the second every one of these baby storms forms off the african coast! Hopefully it will be a topless Ms. Loresca sans waders romping on the beaches of those Islands....do I smell a successor to the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue...hmmmmmmm?

Verticus S. Erectus said...

Are you suggesting maybe a "Weather Illustrated Swimsuit Issue"? You might just have something there. Truth is, no matter where you may put Ms. Loresca, I'll watch it.

circuitmouse said...

I do love to watch my hurricane divas (remember the not-so-distant past when local reporters had to prove their worth by standing in the surf as the damn surge was coming in?) but Harry Connick sure looked fine. Better than he did in any acting job. When he was walking later on dry land, choking up while describing the everyday scenes of his childhood, in ruins, it proved that it wasn't an act. And what does Miami get? A crazy mayor in his bathrobe trying to attack his spouse...

Verticus S. Erectus said...

Yeah, but it's the town's crazy mayors, "arrested developers," and the sunsets that make it all worthwhile. One thing the city isn't, it ain't boring.