Pepe "Two Poop"

Miami Dade County Commissioner Jose "Pepe" Diaz wants to eliminate curb side recycling and rose to the "Top O' the Heap" at Club Poop when he referred to the county's recycling efforts as "spending millions and millions on a feel-good."

Whoe, now those are fighting words, right up there with "let them eat cake." It's amazing how out of touch Diaz is with the masses, it's as if he missed the whole recycling movement of the 70's and today's rush to "Save the Planet." With guys like him running governments, global warming really is just around the corner.

MVB turned to Nokosee Osceola, our staff renegade Miccosukee and advocate of returning south Florida to its rightful owners, the Miccosukees, to get his reaction. "We have a name for people like that," he said as he gazed out over the Miccosukee Gaming Resort and Country Club's parking lot through the undulating mirage of the Everglades in the distance. "It's Chitfobraeens."

"Chitfobraeens?" we asked.

"Loosely translated, his Indian name is 'Pepe Two Poop'."

"'Pepe Two Poop'?"

"Si. Because he's joined Commissioners Seijas and Souto as the only commisioners to have earned two Poopy Head hats in Club Poop."

"'Si'?"

"My mother is Cuban. She met my dad at Hialeah High."

"Is that blood on your knife?"

"Si."

"Anyone we know?"

"No, Kemasabe."

"What's with the loincloth?"

"For keeping knife clean. And picking up chicks."

"'Picking up chicks'?"

"It's a chick magnet. You should see me work the room at Prive."

"He's kidding," the young woman standing next to him said. "He's never been in a nightclub in his life."

"And you're...?"

"His girlfriend."

"Your name?"

"I can't tell you. I'm on the run with the renegade."

"'On the run'? What'd you do now, Nokosee?"

"Nothing. I'm being framed by developers."

At that point, sirens were heard in the distance and the two excused themselves by hopping on the back of their Indian and racing away in a slip-sliding trail of smoke and burned rubber across the parking lot.