Earliest Known New World Written Language Points to Miami

Following the announcement in Science magazine of the earliest known example of a written language in the New World, MVB resident archeologist Bobby Bermudez took it upon himself to travel to Mexico to offer his services in translating the new find. The Olmec inscription is estimated to be close to 3,000 years old but Mr. Bermudez, fresh off his controversial theory about the Miami Circle, contends that the faintly etched symbols on a stone found beneath a giant Olmec head belong to what may be the first known advertisement.

"If my interpretation is correct," Mr. Bermudez reports from his hospital bed at Baptist Hospital in Kendall, FL., where he is being treated for a collapsed lung and broken bones, "I will go down in history as the man who discovered the first advertisment."

Mr. Bermudez, despite warnings from fellow archeologists not to go digging around the base of the giant head because the soil was unstable, was crushed by the head when it fell over on top of him.

"I needed to bolster my theory and, in order to do that, I felt it was necessary to dig further, if you will," he continued, "to see what I could find at the sight of the original discovery. Sure, it hurts, but it was worth it in the end."

And what was his important discovery? According to Mr. Bermudez, the slab discovered under the giant head was connected to a larger inscription that, when translated, says: "What happens in Miami stays in Miami."