Britto vs. Seijas: Round One

Looks like the Miami-Dade County Commission's designated bully is at it again. This time, Natacha "I want my water" Seijas is picking on everybody's favorite diminutive Brazilian artist Romero Britto. She doesn't like his nearly gratis* designs for proposed new MIA attire. She thinks they're "tacky" and said "My maid wears better clothes than this." She particularly doesn't like the one design that is supposed to be a flamingo. She thinks it's really a snake. Besides not liking manatees, it also appears she doesn't care much for snakes either especially when they seem to be rising from the wearer's pants.

Which raises other questions only a shrink might care to dig deeper for answers. As for us, we're too afraid to go there.

Although we don't take Britto as seriously as others do, we think his "nearly free"* designs for the county are worthy. They will allow passengers something to gaze upon when standing in long, slow moving ticket lines or while waiting interminably for their luggage. Mixed with the proper dosage of hallucinogens, visitors staring at the MIA shirts won't mind any inconvenience since the only thing they will recall will be the "groovy, undulating snake charming shirts." In fact, we're inspired to offer the county at nearly gratis rates a slogan of our own to go along with the shirts: "MIA, man, what a trip!"

*The deal brokered by Visitors Bureau Chief Executive William "Bill" Talbert would cost the county $15,000 to own the rights to 48x48" canvas by Britto. Valued at $150,000, this art could also be used for county workers at the Port of Miami. This uniformity would help establish Miami, in Mr. Talbert's words, as a "destination."

For what? As a "fun and sun capital" for sure, but never as a place that would even know real art if it came up and bit it on it's cellulite dimpled ass.

UpDate (11/24): It appears the original design has been toned down. Today's Miami Herald shows the shirt split down the middle (how appropriate for a committee decision). One half is flamboyant Britto, the other (and back) is just one color (pale yellow). The "snake" is history. 1,500 have been ordered (5 per employee). Officials are considering selling replicas in MIA shops. BTW, the article mentions MIA wants to use the shirts to show the "friendliness of MIA staff." Maybe you should get Britto to paint smiles on their faces. Bright colored smiles with his signature/logo buried in them somewhere.

Passin' On Paradise: South Florida's High Cost of Living is Driving People Away

From today's Miami Herald: "Recruiting workers and keeping them has become increasingly challenging for South Florida employers, as home prices have soared out of reach even for many two-income households."

Scary Stats:

• Incomes rose here by 28% between 2000 and 2006. The $39,900 median income has been "all but gobbled up by the rise in property taxes and insurance alone."
• Property tax on a median-priced home rose to $8,011 last year from $3,505 in 2000.
• Between 2000 and 2006 the median home price rose 172 percent to $375,800 in Miami-Dade.
• Only 1 in 10 homes sold in Miami-Dade was affordable to a family earning the median income.
• Turnover of prosecutors at the Miami-Dade state attorney's office is approximately 20% per year because they can't afford to live here.
• To recruit doctors and research scientists, the University of Miami is kicking in up to 50% of the purchase price of a home-- up to $300,000-- in exchange for a stake in the property. When an employee sells the property, the university shares in the equity appreciation.
• Nurses and other skilled medical workers can't afford to live here. Baptist Health has bought a large Kendall apartment complex which it is renovating to offer as discount rentals for hard-to-fill positions such as nurses.

As MVB has been saying for over a year now, it's scary out there and getting worse.

UpDate (9/12): Today's Miami Herald reports that nearly a quarter of south Florida homeowners spend at least half of their income on housing. Miami-Dade had the highest rate in the U.S. (24.9% spend 50% of income on housing).

UpDate (9/20): And it keeps getting worse. Today the Miami Herald reported south Florida housing costs rose 8.4 percent in July and August-- the fastest rise in 25 years-- while overall costs rose 3.7 percent.

UpDate (5/15/08): Today the Miami Dade County Commision will vote on whether or not to increase funding the North Terminal by another $64.3 million in order to finish the baggage handling system ($43.5 million) and the automated people mover ($20.8 million). How can they say no? And so it goes.

MVB Exclusive Interview with Miami-Dade County Budget Director's Budget Boy

Many of you may be concerned with the recent escalating budget busting estimates coming from the county regarding a myriad of public building projects. With that in mind, MVB tracked down one of the experts who works for Jennifer Glazer-Moon, Miami-Dade County's budget director. Wishing to remain anonymous, we shall refer to him as "Budget Boy."

MVB: So, "Budget Boy," what gives? Today we read in the Miami Herald that since opening five months ago, the Carnival Center for the Performing Arts is $3 million in the red.
Budget Boy (BB): Blame it on Bach.
MVB: "Bach?"
BB: Bach.
MVB: Why Bach?
BB: He ain't Pit Bull.
MVB: Pit Bull?
BB: Or Wyclef Jean. They sell tickets.
MVB: Well so does Bach.
BB: Not enough. His audience is older and won't put up with Carnival's Triple-P Curse.
MVB: "Triple-P Curse?"
BB: Parking, Panhandling, and Pricing.
MVB: Is this some kinda voodoo thing?
BB: Yeah, "voodoo economics." No, I think it had something to do with Nancy Liebman. Rumor has it she cursed the damn thing before she died.
MVB: Uh, Budget Boy, Nancy Liebman is still alive.
BB: Really? Okay, who started raising a fuss years ago everytime some Art Deco building bit the dust? She's the one who cursed the building.
MVB: I think you mean Barbara Capitman.
BB: Yeah, that's the one.
MVB: But why would she curse the Carnival Center. Hell, they saved the Art Deco Sears Tower-- over architect Cesar Pelli's objections-- and built everything around it.
BB: Because its...new?
MVB: Budget Boy, I think you're trying to give us the runaround.
BB: That's part of my job description.
MVB: Do you think Carnival will ever make a profit?
BB: Not in our lifetimes.
MVB: How 'bout our kids'?
BB: I don't see that happening either.
MVB: Ever?
BB: Never. Like it or not, voters made them and their children's children theatrical impresarios when the county commission approved the construction of the center over twenty years ago when I estimated the whole thing would cost $170 million.
MVB: It came in close to half a billion dollars.
BB: So I was off a bit.
MVB: Are you involved with MIA?
BB: Of course.
MVB: That thing is estimated to cost $6.2 billion before completion in 2010.
BB: The key word is "estimate."
MVB: It's already a billion dollars over budget. Do you expect it to go higher?
BB: Does the sun rise in the east every morning?
MVB: What about MIA's Intermodal Center? The U.S. Department of Transportation estimates it will cost $2.25 billion.
BB: That's a good one. This is coming from federal experts, the same ones who figured how to finance the war in Iraq.
MVB: I'm afraid to ask but what about the Port of Miami tunnel? It's estimated to cost $1.2 billion.
BB (laughing): Sure it will and I get dates with super models.
MVB: It doesn't look like you're losing any sleep over this.
BB: When was the last time you saw anybody fired for under estimating a budget in the public sector?
MVB: Carnival was $200 million plus over budget and we must have allocated nearly $10 billion for these unfinished projects. I mean, with that much money the county could launch a Cuban to the moon.
BB (arching eyebrow): A Cuban?
MVB: It just sounds funny.
BB: Do you have anyone in mind?
MVB: I can think of one fat ass commissioner in a dress.
BB: A woman?
MVB: Not necessarily. Hey, Budget Boy, don't try to distract me. This budget stuff is serious. Aren't you the least bit worried about how we're going to pay for all of this?
BB: What, me worry? I live in Broward.

UpDate (5/22/07): Metro-Dade commissioners give MIA another $503 million to finish the North Terminal making the expansion project nearly $1 billion over budget.

UpDate (5/15/08): Today the Miami Dade County Commision will vote on whether or not to increase funding the North Terminal by another $64.3 million in order to finish the baggage handling system ($43.5 million) and the automated people mover ($20.8 million). How can they say no? And so it goes.

UpDate (12/13/08): Christmas comes early with the announcement that the tunnel project succumbs to a well-deserved death when the state and Bouygues Travaux Publics can't agree on terms. Hurray!

How to Turn MIA into a Multi-Billion Dollar Turkey Vulture Landing Strip

Spend money. Lots of it. $6.2 billion worth of it. Spend so much with no end in sight that you get Moody's Investors Service to downgrade MIA bonds. Spend so much a consultant recommends an independent review of the airport's building plans because of a $1 billion overrun. Spend so much airlines are driven away to Ft. Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport where the cost of doing business is cheaper.

Right now, MIA is one of the most expensive airports in the US with per passenger charges to airlines more than double the average. When Moody's heard that another $1 billion was going to be requested from the county commission, they opined that if more money is thrown into the money pit, "airline costs will rise significantly enough to potentially erode future traffic and revenue."

Talk about irony. This is the same kind of thing predicted for the $1.2 billion Port of Miami tunnel should it get built. Shippers and truckers will be hit with fees that will drive them to Port Everglades in Broward county. This kind of talk would make most sober individuals pause-- unless, of course, you were the mastermind behind the port tunnel. Before becoming Miami-Dade Aviation Director, Jose Abreu was Secretary of the Florida Department of Transportation. His response to cost overruns at MIA is to "move forward...on the North Terminal. We're still working on the 'Can we afford it?' part."

And you wonder why our cost of living keeps going up? It's because of bureaucrats and technocrats who don't see dollar signs, only numbers, who aren't held accountable with fines or imprisonment when they lose control of the reins. Instead, the worst that might happen to them is that they would get fired with a "golden parachute" to protect their incompetent asses.

This foreseen exodus to Broward is already happening with your average Dade resident. Many have been driving northward to Ft. Lauderdale for years to fly in and out of south Florida because of significantly cheaper flights.

In the end, after spending billions and billions of dollars, Dade may find it no longer has any commercial air or seaport user problems not because of its bank breaking building programs but because it doesn't have any users-- they've all moved their base of operations to Broward. I'm sure those county commisisoners are sitting back watching this county dig itself into a hole that it can't climb out of, knowing if they remain patient long enough, increased commerce will naturally find its way to less expensive Broward with little effort on their part.

MVB urges the Miami-Dade County commission to put an end to the madness when they are asked to vote on the requested extra billion MIA dollars next year. Enough is enough. Let Abreu and his crew find other ways to "make ends meet," a phrase we're sure he has never heard up until now. According to the Miami Herald, he's been forced to explore cost cutting alternatives that range from no longer watering the plants at the airport to rock mining at the decommissioned Opa-Locka West airport. According to the "experts," selling our rocks should bring in between $200 million to $400 million over ten years.

We are reminded of the words of Sir Manny Mojito, King of Little H, that "Miami is such a silly place," where the solution to digging us out of a hole in the ground is to dig yet another. And where the only thing our new state-of-the-art airport may be able to attract after spending billions and billions of dollars are those big, ugly turkey vultures from Hinkley, Ohio that have come south for the winter looking for empty skies unhindered with air traffic so they can circle lazily, waiting patiently like the Broward county commissioners, for MIA to die before swooping down to dine on obscenely expensive citizen-fed carrion.

UpDate (5/15/08): Today the Miami Dade County Commision will vote on whether or not to increase funding the North Terminal by another $64.3 million in order to finish the baggage handling system ($43.5 million) and the automated people mover ($20.8 million). How can they say no? And so it goes.