Models for new Miami Art Museum to be unveiled during Art Basel

Sometime between December 4th and 6th the Herzog & deMeuron designed Miami Art Museum will be revealed to the public for the first time. So says Terence Riley, the museum's director in the December issue of Smithsonian magazine which profiles Art Basel.

We believe that "unveiling" will be the most important part of Art Basel. Depending upon what the wunderkinds of Switzerland have come up with, it could be as important to architecture and aesthetics as the unveiling Pericles must have enjoyed when he showed his plans for the Parthenon to the Athenians 2,400 years ago. This year's hot artists may or may not outlive their hype a decade much less centuries. Some may not even make it to next year's fair. And that doesn't matter because most of those works will never be seen by the common man since they will be scooped up by wealthy investors for private collections. But the art museum may well be around a lot longer. Especially in the minds of men. Whether or not it is as inspiring as the Parthenon remains to be seen. We can only hope because Riley is quoted as wanting a "great museum" instead of an "iconic" one. We can only ask, why can't they be the same?

UpDate (11/30): The working models were unveiled today. Although the Miami Herald reports people are tripping over themselves to praise the design, we are underwhelmed.

Found on the Miami Craig's List today: Topless Female Cocktail waitress needed

And who doesn't need a "Topless Female Cocktail waitresses"? We're guessing it's for a Thomas Kramer affair, possibly tied-in with Art Basel. The entire ad can be found below:

Topless Female Cocktail waitresses needed
Reply to: mailto:wolverine317@gmail.com?subject=Topless%20Female%20Cocktail%20waitresses%20needed Date: 2007-10-31, 1:09PM EDT for private party in miami beach estate In 6 Weeks I will be hosting a professional private celebration party and will need topless cocktail waitresses. No sex or touching will be requested. I will be paying you $250.00 per hour plus tip to serve drinks and offer friendly conversation. You will simply be wearing black lingerie which will be custom fitted for you which you will be allowed to keep. You will have 4 outfit options to choose from. The outfits will be black, sheer panties, garter belt, pantyhose and a black bra or corset that will cup the lower half of the breast exposing the breasts and nipples. Also cat eye masks will be available if you choose to use them. Because this is a visual requirement, you must be in excellent physical shape. Be comfortable with your breasts exposed, comfortable with your body and be able to make others around you comfortable as well. Requirements are: your breasts must have a full firm shape, with nice nipples and a clean shaved body, happy energetic personality is also a must with no negativity. Please reply to this ad with a recent photo, if you have any photo’s with exposed breasts and feel comfortable emailing them this would be preferable however it is not required. I am looking for a specific look, if I do not reply to your email please do not take it personal; you simply did not fit the look I have in mind. If you have the look that I am looking for I will contact you to give you outfit options and to also schedule an interview. This is an ongoing event for a multi millionaire so you will be able to count on doing this at least once a month if you choose to. Again this is a professional event where visual fantasy is only expected.

If it is an Art Basel related event, Lincoln Basel, MVB's art critic, who really could care less if the waitresses are topless or not, would love to attend.

Meet Lincoln Basel, MVB's Resident Art Critic

Lincoln Basel has returned from Boston for the annual Art Basel Miami Beach art fair running December 7-10th. The following interview with our resident art critic was conducted by staff writer Max "Gumsandals" Cohen in the lobby of the Delano Hotel.

MVB: Welcome back to Miami Beach, Lincoln.
LB: What a smart outfit, Max Cohen. I just love those retro Hawaiian shirts you wear. Is that Rayon? I don't think cotton is up to capturing those neon colors.
MVB: It's a polyester blend of something or other.
LB: And the sandals, with you they're never out of fashion.
MVB: Thanks. So what do you think about this year's fair?
LB: Well, as you know, my favorite artist Verticus Erectus won't be exhibiting this year because he got involved with this cockamamied blog and that is a real shame.
MVB: But there will still be thousands of artists from around the world to pick and choose from.
LB: That is true, Max Cohen, but for me the joy is in the discovery of the undiscovered artist-- like Verticus Erectus on that back alley wall in your "arts district."
MVB: Wynwood. Would you mind telling us how that happened?
LB: It would be my pleasure, Max Cohen. I remember it like it was just yesterday. I had grown bored with the Euro trash and their feeble attempt at overpriced art in the "official" fair and decided to catch a shuttle out to your-- I shudder to say-- "arts district;" a very gruesome place-- especially at night-- of non-descript warehouses and empty streets that at any other time of the year would instill fear in the bravest of men. And I must say, I had second thoughts about getting off the shuttle when I saw the place, but I'm always up for an adventure and decided to take the plunge. I know I must have stuck out like a sore thumb. Everyone was wearing black except for me. I, of course, chose to dress to the nines in my custom tailored white tuxedo. Although I must admit I admired the area's laid back approach to art what with "art lovers" crowding the sidewalks and drinking bottled domestic beer, unfortunately, nothing caught my eye until I stepped around a rowdy bunch of art connoisseurs and happened to glance down a back alley. A small group had gathered around something glowing on the dark wall. Neon it was and I am such a sucker for things that glow and glitter that I had to see it. It was a special moment, Mr. Max Cohen. The crowd must have seen me coming because they parted on cue-- I swear this is true-- with the absolutely heavenly sounds of a harp. I felt I had stepped into the Twilight Zone it felt so surreal. As it turned out, it wasn't as surreal as I had thought. There really was a harpist there in a long formal gown, sitting on an upended trash can next to the painting. And a man. He was urinating on the wall on the opposite side of the painting. I couldn't tell if this was some sort of performance piece or what. The smell was atrocious. As it turned out, it was the artist himself, Verticus Erectus, relieving himself in front of everyone without a care in the world.
MVB: He has an enlarged prostate.
LB: So I soon discovered. At the time, however, the crowd mistook his actions for something more meaningful than that. When someone began to applaud, I guess no one wanted to look bad by missing the "deeper meaning" and soon everyone was applauding. Until he turned around, that is. He was so enraged he didn't wait to put his privates away and hosed the crowd with what I can only guess was a bloated bladder full of beer.
MVB: Ugh. Did he get you too?
LB: He surely did, Mr. Max Cohen. All over my nice new tux. I was stunned. Horrified. I couldn't move. And such a Mr. Dirtymouth. I've never heard such filthy language.
MVB: What did you do?
LB: Well, my first thought was to smack him across the head with the harp but some art lovers beat me to the punch, so to speak, by pummeling him to a bloody pulp. I must say, I was sickened by what I saw and had to step back as the crowd-- women included-- kicked the living bejesus out of him. And you know what he did, Mr. Max Cohen?
MVB: No, what did he do?
LB: He yelled at the harpist to keep on playing.
MVB: You're shitting me.
LB: No I am not, Mr. Max Cohen, Mr. Dirtymouth. And you know what?
MVB: What?
LB: She did.
MVB: Fvcking A!
LB: Is everyone at this blog a Mr. Dirtymouth?
MVB: Sorry, Lincoln, please go on.
LB: Anyway, when I turned my head away I saw the painting. It looked to be hovering in front of the wall. I was transfixed. The juxtaposition of the heavenly music with the brutal bashing of Mr. Verticus Erectus and his floating painting on the dark alley wall was too much for yours truly. It actually brought me to tears. When I couldn't stand it any longer, I pulled out my Walther PPK and fired it once in the air.
MVB: You fired a gun?
LB: Not just any gun, Mr. Dirtymouth Max Cohen. It's James Bond's weapon of choice.
MVB: Don't you think that was a little drastic?
LB: Not for art. I haven't had a piece of art reach out and touch me like that since 1969 when I stumbled onto Adam Turtle's work in Coconut Grove when I was a pot smoking hippie. Anyway, the startled crowd stopped beating up Verticus Erectus and, after gathering their composure, began applauding me as if I were part of the "performance." And then they started applauding themselves because it occurred to them that they too were part of the performance. Before you knew it, they were helping Verticus Erectus up and brushing him off and thanking him for the "experience." It was then that I realized I was witnessing pure bloody genius at work. Here was an artist who had covered all the bases. He had left nothing to chance and was brave enough to risk his own life for his art. Oh, yeah, and the use of neon is always a plus.
MVB: Unbelievable.
LB: Unless you were there, Mr. Dirtymouth Max Cohen, unless you were there.